which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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