and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
