your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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