Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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