I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
