fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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