After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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