apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
