But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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