They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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