"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
