I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
