it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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