dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
