i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
