We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
