I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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