I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
