I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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