My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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