I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think my moral compass just broke
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