Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize