Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
