It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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