Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
a search helicopter?!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
