can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
