I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
