Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
