I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
