I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
