I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
