who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
