Whatcha textin bout Willis?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
