marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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