Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
