remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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