I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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