did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
