i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
