So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
