This girl is more easily done than said...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
