I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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