I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My balls are so social today.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
