There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
