Yo dont text me then not text me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
