omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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