I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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