college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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