you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
