i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
