her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we're so committed to being not committed
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
