Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
