She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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