So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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