Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
