you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
