On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
