Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The air taste purple.
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