Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
