The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
