I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
