Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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