The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
