please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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