Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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