Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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