Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
they're like a gay fantastic four
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
