Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
