The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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