So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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