I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
