Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
