Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
