Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
