I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
