my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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